On the way to work this morning, I passed by this enormous, 3-foot spindly, creepy-looking bug. I remember when I was travelling, my aunt warned me that when I was staying around California I should check my shoes every morning in case there’d be a scorpion hiding in them. This huge bug looked like it might have been dead. But no-one was freaking out over it, and since no-one had been as terrified as I of these gigantic things called June bugs that I saw at a party one time, I guessed it must have been some sort of native arachnid monster, and I should just bloody well get used to it as part of the scenery.
I had to do a quintuple take before I realized it was actually a broken-off bit of tree branch.
As my apartment building’s dryer got fried by the flooding the other week, it’s perpetually laundry day as far as I’m concerned, so I had dressed for work in a grey lace single-breasted blazer, purple houndstooth fitted jeggings, grey belted ankle boots, and a loose, 80s-style tunic with pictures of buildings on it. So, while I’m clear on the fact that my clownish attire leads shuttle drivers to believe I work at Dunkin’ Donuts, I didn’t want people to think that I not only dressed like an escaped mental patient, but that I also acted like one, staring down at a broken-off bit of tree branch like it was not a broken-off bit of tree branch.
You couldn’t blame me for thinking it. I probably have some form of dyslexia owing to the fact that I can see a fire hydrant from a distance and think that it’s a small child in a puffer jacket, but everything is so much bigger, weirder and more extreme that the thought did cross my mind that a giant 3-foot-long insect could wander around Boston and not faze anyone. Because everything is so inexplicably enormous here – bigger, louder, more insane, such as:
Egos:
Religion:
Cars:
But ultimately I think food is the biggest culprit.
Everyone and their mum has seen this infographic, but I can’t quite grasp the point of the newest Starbucks drink size:
What if you’re drinking it on a train? Will you get one of these free?
And then there’s diner food. When I think of pancakes, I think of something like this for Shrove Tuesday:
Yet if you order pancakes at a diner, you get something more like this:
And whenever I’d go into an ice cream/chocolate shop, I ordered a “baby-sized” ice cream in case I couldn’t finish it:
I’m sorry…what? “Baby-size”? As in, the size of an actual baby? Cause it’s not like it’s tiny. And if it’s the size of an actual baby…no wonder Americans are so unhealthy.
You really need to get that pic of the pancake on thisiswhyyourefat.com. That site is a shrine to American cuisine.
hahahaha That American Jesus picture is killing me!