31 Days of Hallowe’en 2021, Day 18: Homewrecker [2019]

Oof. Where to start with this one?

Homewrecker - Movie Reviews
source: i don’t even care, i just want to get this fucking post over with

This is just a movie-shaped bag of poor choices and missed opportunities. After having heard some festival buzz on this a couple of years back, I’d been looking forward to seeing Homewrecker. I hadn’t expected anything game-changing – if anything, a small but but well-made dark comedy. This is one of those things.

Twenty-something newlywed Michelle [the ever-watchable Alex Essoe, who deserves better than this], runs into a middle-aged woman from her fitness classes, Linda [Precious Chong]. Michelle is an interior designer, so Linda asks her to stop by her house – there and then – to see what she can do to revamp Linda’s living space.

Things get increasingly uncomfortable from here, and not just in terms of atmosphere.

It becomes clear that Linda is at the very least lonely, and at the very most fucking unhinged. But Linda is a visibly-aged, paper-bag-faced remnant of what she considers to be her best self and, prior to her crossing the line, it’s hard not to feel sorry for her. If you’re an allosexual (geared towards wanting a romantic relationship [which is thankfully something I can’t relate to]) and you haven’t found it by the time you see wrinkles, it’s not looking good. Also, she’s white and so painfully basic – tie-dye, try-hard work-out clothes, makeup that just sinks into those face lines, and a personality so flat and boring that you can tell she’s the kind of person that will always let the other person decide what to do or where to go during a date or hangout. In short, she’s pitiful.

So to have the other character be a much younger married woman trying for a baby and then repeatedly say these things to Linda, that Linda can’t do any of them because she’s so fucking old, it’s just…punching down, man. You can have a fucked-up black comedy that’s both violent and entertaining, and find creative jokes to tell about aging, female friendships, marriage, singlehood and just awkward social situations in general. Yet Homewrecker manages to bypass any chance to tackle any of them in lieu of really fucking awful fight scenes filmed via a potato shoved into my dad’s old Nokia.

This film just hates both younger and older women, and also the ears of any other living being because that fucking hideous guitar reverb soundtrack that tramples all over the film is so enragingly ill-fitting it makes me want to make fingers illegal.

Score: 🎃

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