31 Days of Hallowe’en 2017, Day 9: Horror Story [2013]

horror story indian bollywood movie film

source: wikipedia

Most of the Netflix reviews for this movie complained about something my family constantly do – switching between languages. It’s not a big deal if you’re used to it, but I’m surprised to learn that not only is this exclusive to South Asian communities (because of their bilingual upbringing), but it infuriated Netflix users so much they felt it ruined the entire film. Despite the Hindi-spoken parts having subtitles.

That’s not the reason Horror Story is a bad movie. It’s bad because it suffers from the same issues the last time Bollywood tried to adapt a Stephen King novel: poor pacing, superficial and unlikeable characters, and a narrative that tires you in its efforts to go anywhere.

Netflix’s thumbnail implied quirky Bollywood gore. Instead, we got an unfocussed intro at our group-of-friends characters before they spend the next hour running down hallways and screaming.

If you know anything about Bollywood, you’ll know that their horror movies are famously tame. There is no sex, no gore, the acting is terrible, the camerawork is painful (everyone is constantly standing in a straight line) and the VFX is embarrassingly cheap. They’re also about as tense as a slumber party with 5-week kittens – the few jump scares that exist are marred by the fact that you can’t even see the giggling demon dispatching the crew. Which is probably a good thing, because in the film’s final moments, where the Final Girl literally carries a handful of fire to the entity’s grave (which is in a fucking hallway why??), she’s finally revealed as some broke Sadako rip-off who lost a head-butting contest with two cans of shoe polish.

I’m sorry my people make such shit horror films.

Score: HALFAPUMPKIN

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